


Rose & Dave Question Miracle Whip

by Classpectanon



Series: Three Hundred And Sixty Five Ficlets About Homestuck [53]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Gen, Seinfeldian Conversations, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:01:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29648220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Classpectanon/pseuds/Classpectanon
Summary: "Frankly, I don't see what's so miraculous about it. I've had plenty of whipped creams from a variety of sources before - on occasion, I do like to dabble in the art of confectionery and create my own." Rose said, quietly tapping away at her old 3ds, lying down on Dave's stack of mattresses, occasionally rolling onto her stomach in a way that indicated a deeper desire for relaxation than what the stiff springs could provide to her. "It's just cream and sugar and some vanilla in a stand mixer, and then you let that run until it incorporates a large enough volume of air to develop into whipped cream. Nothing particularly outrageous about that that would require one to pay exorbitant prices for whipped cream in a tub. I fail to see the appeal."53/365
Relationships: Rose Lalonde & Dave Strider
Series: Three Hundred And Sixty Five Ficlets About Homestuck [53]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2085684
Kudos: 12





	Rose & Dave Question Miracle Whip

"Frankly, I don't see what's so miraculous about it. I've had plenty of whipped creams from a variety of sources before - on occasion, I do like to dabble in the art of confectionery and create my own." Rose said, quietly tapping away at her old 3DS, lying down on Dave's stack of mattresses, occasionally rolling onto her stomach in a way that indicated a deeper desire for relaxation than what the stiff springs could provide to her. "It's just cream and sugar and some vanilla in a stand mixer, and then you let that run until it incorporates a large enough volume of air to develop into whipped cream. Nothing particularly outrageous about that that would require one to pay exorbitant prices for whipped cream in a tub. I just simply fail to see the appeal."

"I mean, doesn't whipped cream melt if you let it sit there long enough?" Dave asked, grungy, lo-fi hip hop beats emanating from his synth pad, thumping his desk every so often with hammer blows of low bass tone, bouncing back and forth across the plastic surface. On his computer screen, a DAW, probably Ableton, chugged along happily, responding to every tap of a plastic square on his sequencer with the bright chirping of synthesized sampling screaming out from his speakers, nearly at a loud enough volume to bother the otherwise very unflappable Rose Lalonde.

That was a lie, of course. Rose was very flappable. Perhaps the flappablist, although she pretended quite strongly not to be. This is a word that exists now.

"Like, you do that whipped cream in a bowl thing and then you let it sit there while you cook the rest of your pie, wouldn't it just kind of fall apart back into cream with sugar in it? I've never made pie or whipped cream or really anything that's not frozen because we live in a Texan igloo and I'm incapable of eating anything other than Stouffer's frozen dinners and on-iced pot pies, although not for lack of trying, so I can't really speak here for anything other than "I am a human being who has eaten whipped cream before in my life and it has a tendency to melt all over my god damn flapjacks", so I'm really just speaking from anecdotes here." Dave rattled out with just as much force and continuous voltage as the music he was in the middle of stitching together like a Frankenstein's monster (Adam Frankenstein) of shitty lo-fi EDM that he might put onto Soundcloud later, but then again, maybe not. Where were we? Oh, right, cool whip. "That shit melts."

"Dave, my dearest friend, you would just make the whipped cream last, and then not put it on a hot pie." Rose explained. She made a face at her 3DS screen, inevitably to some kind of failure in the game she was playing - she hated it whenever her attempts to clip through polygons at odd angles so that she could fly out the game world and softlock her 3DS inevitably failed. When it came to the traditional style of video game failure, she couldn't give less of a shit, but she really hated having to put in all this pixel-perfect effort for a little wall clip. Lame.

"Oh. Right." Dave replied, grabbing his iphone and leaning back in the stolen office chair that substituted for an actual computer chair in the Strider "Household". "Well, I'm going to look it up, because I have all the intellectual capacity of a decaying tomato and I know nothing about Miracle Whip other than "It's whipped cream in a tub and it's frozen and you defrost it". Bro usually gets ReddiWhip."

"The stuff in a can that you can get deliriously high off of by inserting into a nostril and pressing in just the wrong way? Don't do that at home, kids." Rose asked, quirking an eyebrow at her console screen.

"The very same." Dave replied. "Oh, wait, it says here that Miracle Whip is a kind of mayonnaise. No, wait, a..." He paused for effect, turning his entire body backwards towards Rose so she could see his air quotes very clearly. ""Sauce Condiment", legally. Like I guess how Kraft Cheese is technically not plastic. I don't want that on my pie -- well, maybe a pot pie, but that shit's spurious. I'll take a rain check on the Miracle Whip Sundaes. Unless I can force you to eat one too."

"That's quite strange. I could've sworn with all my heart and soul it was the shitty whipped cream in a tub." Rose replied, shrugging, while Dave turned back to his computer before thumping his forehead.

"Oh! That's Cool Whip, apparently." Dave answered, after another minute of phone hunting.

"Frankly, I don't see what's so cool about it," Rose began, breathlessly and immediately.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. All views, kudos, comments, and bookmarks are appreciated.  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/classpectanon)


End file.
